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Archive for the ‘The Bulldog Update’ Category

Steve as a puppy. The first time he met a basketball. He has been in love since.

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Everyday, I wake up to a beautiful smelly beast named Steve. Steve is no ordinary dog, nor does he have an ordinary tail (that thing is terrible, but I will talk about that later). Steve is an English Bulldog. If you are not familiar with English Bulldogs, there are
a few things you should know.
1. The are lazy as hell
2. They snore and have terrible gas (at least Steve does)
3.  They obsess (and I mean obsess) over random things like basketballs or skate boards.
4. They love to be around people and are great companions.

Steve was born on June 20, 2010, so he is approaching his first birthday.  Steve weighs a little over 50 lbs. and is still growing.

How popular is Steve you ask? Steve has 185 friends and counting on Facebook, probably a lot more than your dog. Steve was also featured in a sorority composite for Delta Zeta! Friend him on Facebook, BigSteve Dibert.

So why is Steve so damn cool? Steve will sleep-in until the afternoon if he is given the opportunity. His sleep apnea and obnoxious snoring, for which he has no remorse, may wake up him up occasionally, but has no trouble getting back to what he loves most, sleep. Steve’s brain power is actually quite remarkable. Bulldogs, normally known for being… well.. dumb. However,
Steve knows a basket full of tricks:
Sit
Stay
Lay down
Shake- only with right hand like a gentleman
Dance- spins around in a circle
Wave Hello-  with left hand, he waves hello when you wave to him.
Guard- sits between your legs facing outward
Bojangles- barks on command
Bang- pretends to play dead after getting shot(bang)
Go Crazy- jumps up and down and shakes his head simultaneously before he is allowed to eat.
Skateboards- rides a skateboard (He is obsessed with skateboards. His $9 board broke, so I need to reinvest in a decent one. Like most bulldogs he likes to attack it, but once he gets that thing going he loves to ride it)

The Tail. Bulldogs are not blessed with the most normal looking tails in the world. In fact, I met a bulldog once that had the tail removed because it began growing in the wrong direction. Yes, it began growing in the wrong direction. Imagine eating a few crackers minding your own business and BAM! You look down with that brown cyclops staring right at you.

Luckily, Steve does not have that problem. Unfortunately, Steve’s tail is a little snug to his butt. If for whatever reason, you might need to find a little smear of dog poop.. go underneath Steve’s tail. You may occasionally even be lucky enough to have a nugget fall right out!

Since we are already talking about dog poop, I might as well keep going right? If you have ever seen a bulldog, their body is not really made to squat or contort. Steve likes to do what I call the 360 turd. He spins around in just about a complete circle, as he is getting rid of breakfast and a little bit of dinner, I suppose. (Be sure to not startle him while going, this creates a serious under-tail issue.)

As he completes his duty (yes, duty), I believe he loses track of where his turd lies. AND  this is when time freezes as I watch him take that half stumble backwards. SQUASH, SPLAT, SMOOSH… now we have turds all over Steve’s foot… Have you ever seen a dog kick the grass after they go to the bathroom? Yes, that is what he does next to make matters worse. The next twenty minutes of my day are spent trying to clean Steve’s foot or feet.

If you are thinking of getting a dog, you should consider a bulldog. Although, the occasional tail issues and health concerns, a bulldog is a sure way to make you smile every day.

Steve is the man.

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